More than cravings...

So I was looking around on Facebook and saw this post, which I completely loved, and then clicked around more on her blog and found this post, which I also completely loved and totally identified with.

I need to feel pretty...
I had a really hard time after Sam was born and my body and face didn't look exactly like they had pre-pregnancy. I really mourned the loss of how I used to look and even hated going out in public sometimes because I felt so insecure. It hit me then that I was maybe a little too dependent on feeling thin and pretty.

We all want to feel pretty...
I understand that as women, one of our core desires is to feel beautiful. I think God made us that way. I also think He created us beautifully and we should trust Him that how He made us is enough and stop comparing ourselves with others. Dealing with a more than planned for pregnancy weight gain has helped me wrestle with how I see myself and how much stock I put into what others think. I think I'm still wrestling, but I think there has been progress.

When it's more than cravings...
I have also really wrestled with the fact that during pregnancy, and at other times in my life, I have used food as a coping mechanism. When I was pregnant I was teaching high school. Let me say that again. When I was huge and carrying around a baby, I was also spending 7 hours a day with 200+ teenagers. Ok I can move on now. I love my job, but it's just extra difficult while pregnant. So I got a little tired and a little frustrated and a little ready for it to be over at the end. And then I started drinking way more soda and eating way more candy than is necessary to sustain anyone. Essentially, I used food to get me through the work day every day.

Let's call this what it is...
Towards the end of my pregnancy and afterward especially, the Lord (gently) convicted me of what this really is. Idolatry.

If you could picture the Christian life as an image, we are meant to be looking straight up to Christ for everything we need. When we take our eyes off of Him and bend down into something else to get us through, we are practicing idolatry. And yes I do this with food, music, my husband, make up, my appearance, reality tv oh reality tv. Instead of looking to Christ for what I need, I get my fulfillment (or comfort) from something else. It's not much better than a modern version of the Israelites with a golden cow.

So I'm really working on not using food to make me feel better when I'm struggling. I think that's the key to having a healthy relationship with food. We should be using it for nourishment, not for comfort when we're sad or stressed.

I understand that we have pregnancy cravings, and there is nothing wrong with that, or eating more because you're growing a person. I just went way beyond the cravings and started using food for more than it was intended.

Since then, I've cut way back on the sugar and started to eat because I'm hungry and because I enjoy good food (which I think is ok, why else would we have taste buds?), but when I'm sad, stressed, angry, hurting, I try....I try to take it to the cross and hurt in God's presence instead of hurting with a brownie.

So back to what got me thinking about this, Fresh Faced for 40 Days. I am so inspired by this. I will not be completely fasting from make up because let's be honest. Most days, I'm in yoga pants with no make up anyway, but I did want to share this post and let it encourage others because yes, we should all love what we look like naked.

And here's my naked face